Is good results really that important?

This is probably one of the questions we would ask ourselves, as a parent, at some point in time. For me, it is (as of now), which is also the reason why I'm embarking on this journey. While some parents view good results as an entry to better schools and eventually better jobs and pay, I have a different view on it. Although good results do make the path to University easier, it does not mean you can't be successful or can't earn big bucks without a nice degree. Am I self-contradicting? Not quite. I want my kids to go to good schools, not for the results they would get, but more for the people they're likely to mix with. It is the character development that I'm concern with.

While I agree that not all students academically inclined are good students, I feel that the likelihood of getting into bad company is somewhat reduced in those so-call top schools. Chinese has a saying, 近朱者赤近墨者黑. This is especially true for DS.

DS is seldom a leader. He is almost a 100% follower. For the 4 years of his primary education, he loves to mix with those who're fun loving. Unfortunately, they're not really the studious kind. I am not against him having such friends. The only problem is, he is a follower who follows the wrong things. He has picked up tonnes of bad habits and these are then passed to his younger sisters (another worrying issue). For his age, he is not as mature as some other kids. Most of the time his actions are very much controlled by his desires, rather than what are right and wrong. Perhaps it's really too much to ask of a 9 year old.

I just had a good long talk with him this evening. It is probably one of the best talks I've had with him so far. What led to the talk was this. Since a few weeks ago, I've been discovering erasers in his schoolbag. These erasers have loads of staples punched into them, with protruding staples in the center portion. I learn today that the staples were punched in to aid the eraser to spin. Whoever can make the spin lasts longer wins the game and takes the losing eraser as his possession. These erasers were dangerous as some sharp end of the staples could not be covered. I made it very clear to DS that I would throw these away should he bring them home again. And I really did for the next few times.

This morning, I discovered he had 11 brand new erasers in his bag. I was shocked. He told him he had bought them. It was too rush to dig further then as he needed to go down to take the school bus. Throughout the day I was pondering where he got the money to buy them (I gave him money for lunch, but he would usually return the balance to me). I was also thinking of how I could make him be honest with me instead of hiding things from me. This is already not the first encounter.

When he was finally back in the evening, he had a worried look. He thought I was about to scold him and threw all his erasers away. By then I had long calmed down. I was able to talk to him in a peaceful manner, as if having a casual talk. I was careful not to accuse him. I was able to find out how he had bought the erasers and his intentions. I was really glad as he voluntarily told me this was not the first time he has bought them. Lots of details were poured out by him. I explained to him why I didn't want him to play with them, why we, as a parent, did certain things which would seem strange or annoying to him. I brought out an example of myself lying when I was in primary school and how I was punished by his grandmother. I thought this was important as I wanted to emphasize to him that I do understand why he was doing certain things because parents were once kids. The things they do now, we have done so ourselves when we were young. That is one important point, which I find parents often forget while disciplining the kids. We need to remind ourselves to think in their shoes coz we were once young too.

It was a fruitful talk. We discussed about a few other things. I was able to find out more of his thoughts. I think this is the way to go in the discipline of older kids. We probably can't follow our parents' style of caning whenever a child makes a mistake. We have to try to gain their trust so that there is no need for them to hide issues from us. It's not easy, but if we start building this kind of bond from young, things will definitely get easier when they reach teenagers. Don't you agree?